Divorce is one of the most gut-wrenching circumstances to walk through. Supporting those who are experiencing divorce is challenging. Grandparenting through divorce has its own set of difficulties. This two part-article will provide you with some ideas of ways to navigate grandparenting through divorce.

1. Be Humble

Understand that there are details you don’t get to know. This is always the case when it comes to other people’s personal lives but for some reason when our children are involved, we feel we get a pass to privy information. We may, but we may not. Also, understand that most relationship issues and especially divorces are far more complex than what any person outside the couple sees or thinks is going on. (Ephesians 4:2).

2. If You Don’t Have Anything Nice to Say, Don’t Say Anything at All

At least not in front of your grandchildren. (Though it may be better for you if you truly don’t say anything at all.) When it comes to adult children going through divorce, there can be hard feelings on all sides. And often, they’re justified hard feelings. But the fact of the matter remains that children learn by example. They speak how we model for people to be spoken about. They have a right to make their own opinions about each of their parents. They have a right to have their own feelings about the divorce. Which by the way is already a lot for children to deal with. Act like a Godly adult and don’t speak ill of one or both of their parents in front of them. (Or again, maybe not at all.) (James 1:19). As children grow into their teen and young adult years, they may ask more questions and want to know more of what happened. Enter into these conversations with respect for BOTH of their parents. Often directing those conversations back to their parents may be best to not speak about them “behind their backs.”

3. Be Neutral

Most often, parents of divorcing children will “pick sides.” You can have sides when it comes to your child. But when it comes to the grandchildren, remain neutral as much as possible. Work on your poker face and remember if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. Try to frame it as us collectively working together against the struggles we face as opposed to so-and-so caused all the struggles and only the rest of us have to deal with them. Divorce is hard on all sides whether or not you can see it. (And it is NOT a contest over who it is harder for.) (Romans 12:18; Hebrews 12:14).

4. Reassure Grandchildren that They Are Loved and Were Made in Love

Children experiencing divorce can feel varying degrees of guilt and unlovable. Assure them of your love for them, their parents’ love for them, and of course, God’s never-ending love for them. Assure them that they are loved because they are who they are which will always be who they are, and no circumstances could ever change that. (Zephaniah 3:17). Framing their very existence as a product of a loving relationship as opposed to an inconvenient reminder of a difficult one is profoundly important.

Here’s a start of ways to grandparent through divorce. Check out Part 2 of this article for more ways. What are your experiences grandparenting through divorce? Comment below.